GLASGOW—A recent report from the Institute of Consumer Behavior found that online shopping carts have evolved into a meditative tool. “Browsing is the new yoga,” claimed researcher Lila McBride. “Instead of downward dog, it’s more like ‘upward credit card limit.'”

According to the findings, 84% of online shoppers merely add items then leave them untouched. Local shopper Ian Harries explained, “It’s like my own reality show: Keeping Up with My Dreams.”

The phenomenon has sparked calls for a cart-sitting Olympics division. “At this rate, only banks win gold,” declared McBride. She added that the average shopping cart is deserving of an emotional support designation, stating, “Little did Amazon know they’d create the therapist of the future.”