SYDNEY—In an inspiring testament to enduring dysfunction, local man Ron Baker revealed Tuesday his unparalleled skill in defending relationships he actively dislikes. “I’ve mastered the art of salvaging relationships I couldn’t care less about,” Baker boasted, while meticulously outlining a plan to save his latest doomed coupling.

Baker’s friends confirm his persistence is unmatched. “Ron will stay in an argument for hours just to win it—then realize he never wanted to date her,” stated confidant Matt Lee, noting Baker’s admiration for toxic compatibility.

At press time, Ron was seen making detailed Excel charts on relationship strengths and ‘acceptable misery levels.’ “Why be happy alone when you can be miserable together forever?” mused Baker, preparing for his next needless confrontation.