BURLINGTON—Area visionary Craig Halverson announced Tuesday that his unpredictable sleep habits are now a “lifestyle,” not a disorder. “Why sleep at night when 3 a.m. offers unique insights and infomercials?” Halverson proclaimed, describing his zigzagging slumbers as “elevated anarchy.”
Colleagues have shown astonishment at Halverson’s sleep revolution. “Lunchtime cat naps are now zen meditations!” stated office mate Kelly Ray, noting his inspiring shift from R.E.M. cycles to ad hoc REM concerts.
Sleep experts are perplexed. “Halverson’s approach defies science, reason, and daylight,” said Dr. Jane Elron. Meanwhile, Craig remains unfazed, embracing a new stage of enlightenment, living by the mantra: “Sunrise should be a surprise, not a given.”