DAYTON—In a groundbreaking study on relationship dynamics, financial expert Sally Vanderplank revealed Wednesday that $600 is the ideal sum to secure lifelong partnership satisfaction. “If you can’t handle your partner at $600, you don’t deserve them when they’re rich,” explained Vanderplank, accounting for inflation.

Critics of the study, ironically also priced at $600, argued the threshold was set surprisingly low. “It’s unprecedented,” said economist Harold Monet, adding, “I’m sure my spouse would love me even at $599, provided I don’t make any large purchases.”

With banks introducing ‘Love Compatibility Accounts’ starting at $600, experts predict a surge in fiscal romance. “It’s romantic and economically viable,” gushed newly-engaged Jerry Crown, whose partner finally agreed after a balanced $600 on their joint Venmo account. For those struggling to meet the hype, advice is to simply start valuing love, or at least earn more cash.