SYDNEY—In an unprecedented move to battle persistent snacking, local man Tim Anderson has hired a professional ‘food slapper’ to follow him all day. “I told him, if I reach for a doughnut, his job is to give it a good whack,” said Anderson, noting his unconventional method is a calorie-burning activity in itself.

“It’s a regular symphony of slaps and cries for help,” said Becca Grant, Anderson’s food slapper, adding that she’s never been asked to assault pastries before. “I’m becoming quite the hand-to-cupcake combat artist,” she proudly admitted while replenishing her wrist guards.

Enthused by early success, Anderson revealed plans to expand the practice into a full-fledged personal training program. “I envision teams of slappers fending off cookies worldwide,” he said, eyes sparking with inspiration, as Grant swiftly deflected his attempt at a clandestine candy raid.