BELFAST—Witnesses report that self-proclaimed ‘food enthusiast’ Martin O’Donnell, 29, made an emotional commitment to cuisine this weekend. “Everyone’s coupled up with someone, and I’m here committing emotional monogamy to my lasagna,” O’Donnell confessed, kneeling before an oven.

O’Donnell, who regularly hosts candle-lit dinners alone, explained, “Most people thrive with significant others; I thrive when pasta provides the carbs I crave. Relationships only satisfy one hunger.”

Experts urge caution, warning O’Donnell may be taking things too far. “Comparing a love life to Michelin-starred desserts shows potential issues,” said relationship expert Dr. Emily Crumb, cautioning against “allowing soufflés to replace humans entirely in the dinner theater of life.”