CLEVELAND—Evan Thornton, 34, recently discovered an unsettling correlation between his financial and spiritual voids. “My wallet is empty, just like my soul,” stated Thornton, gazing at the vacuous space where money once resided.

With no tangible assets to speak of, Thornton has embraced a new economy of empathy. “I’m minting fresh currency called ‘hollow smiles’ and ‘invisible hugs,'” he explained, displaying a blank checkbook and an unflinchingly cheery demeanor.

Local officials confirmed Thornton’s valuables now include half-knitted scarves and existential dread, noting, “At this point, his collection of lint and emotionally charged haikus may soon outpace the dollar.” Thornton remains optimistic, claiming, “At least spiritual bankruptcy doesn’t require a credit counselor.”