WOLLONGONG—Experts at the Institute for Economic Navel-Gazing have confirmed that a rapidly spreading epidemic of poverty is the reason everything seems expensive. “It’s groundbreaking to realize that it’s not just bad budgeting,” said head researcher Dr. Broke McPoverty.

“Symptoms include asking friends at restaurants if they really need that appetizer,” McPoverty added, revealing that society is grappling with a budgetary plague.

Sources report many victims claim, ‘How can renting a one-bedroom feel hotter than the housing market itself?’ Emergency plans are now in motion, including a rollout of free financial advice pamphlets titled ‘Sorry, That’s Just How It Is Now.’