COLUMBUS—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the sleep community, local nap aficionado David Snorel declared the best threesome to involve his bed, his pillow, and zero shame. “It’s like comfort from all sides,” Snorel confessed. “And frankly, my blanket’s been a real trooper.”

The announcement prompted widespread curiosity, as neighbors reported muffled snores interspersed with whispers of ‘pillow talk’ through their walls. “Every night it’s relentless,” said neighbor Anne Sheet, who added that Snorel’s snooze escapades often sound “more compelling than any reality TV show.”

According to sources close to the situation, the pillow might be feeling some trepidation about the increasingly public nature of the relationship. Rumors suggest it might soon be contemplating a separation, citing Snorel’s alleged ‘one-sided drooling’ issues.