Man Declares Bankruptcy as Attention Prices Skyrocket to New Heights

Man Declares Bankruptcy as Attention Prices Skyrocket to New Heights

BOISE—Faced with sharply rising costs, local man Gary Nolan announced Monday that he’s officially too poor to pay attention. “I haven’t been able to catch a single word in months,” lamented Nolan, explaining he first lost interest on a layaway plan.

Economists predict attention costs could destabilize the entire listening economy. “You can’t economize empathy,” warned economist Ruth Pfaff, watching people’s attention giveaways dwindle to mere seconds.

In a bizarre twist, Nolan declared he’d file for Attention-Deficit Bankruptcy, a new legal category. “Count me out of this attention arms race,” he insisted, instead opting to absently snack while the world continues to speak.