YORK—In a heartfelt, yet defiantly unapologetic year-end statement, local man Marty Reynolds declared, “To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.” Insiders report Reynolds delivered this sentiment from his living room, smugly clutching a mug reading ‘World’s Most Nonchalant Apologist.’

Witnesses described the man having perfected the art of holding a grudge, with Reynolds also adding, “If you found a frog in your desk drawer, it was intentional and you probably had it coming.” According to sources, Reynolds regularly practices rigorous meditation not for inner peace, but to visualize elaborate revenge.

In an entirely unrelated act, neighbors have begun organizing an appreciation dinner for Reynolds, where they plan to return his lawnmower and maybe hand over a gift card. “We just want to end the year right,” one neighbor shared, “preferably with Marty’s razor-sharp barbs directed elsewhere.”