TOPEKA—Global vanity reached new heights Monday after a local man, Steve Kirkland, admitted a harsh truth. “I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly,” he confessed, causing a reflective panic. Thousands reportedly flocked to home goods stores to purchase mirrors in bulk.

Experts worry this mass realization could have lasting impacts. “Consumers are reevaluating past decisions after seeing their real reflections,” said Dr. Leigh Mirthsmith, who also rechecked her appearance and unknowingly started a trend. “I’ve spent my career suppressing such memories!”

Local shops have responded by doubling prices on anything remotely shiny. “We’ve strategically placed mirrors at every kiosk corner. People seem perfectly willing to face the truth when it’s packaged nicely,” commented shop owner Lily Gleam, now selling hand mirrors for the price of fine art.