TOPEKA—In an unexpected twist during a late-night burglary, local homeowner Adam Bemis reportedly joined masked intruders in a fruitless search for his nonexistent cash reserves. “When they asked me where I keep my money, I just laughed and grabbed a flashlight,” Bemis recounted, noting the robbers seemed perplexed by his eagerness to assist in finding his own lacking wealth.

Admitting to upwards of 30 minutes spent rummaging alongside the intruders, Bemis explained, “I figured if they were determined enough to break in, the least I could do was show them where I’ve also looked without success.” According to Bemis, the robbers eventually apologized for wasting each other’s time before heading off in search of luckier loot elsewhere.

Police spokesman Officer Dan Turner confirmed that the Bemis residence exemplifies the latest trend in crime prevention: disappointment. “The best home security seems to be not having any valuables worth stealing,” Turner disclosed, citing Bemis as a model example of the strategy. “It appears the only thing they’ll be making off with is a dent in their hopes.”