New funny family jokes

• Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

• If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

• There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

• Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

• I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

• Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

• Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

• Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

• Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Top funny family jokes

• “Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

• If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

• Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

• Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

• Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

• Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

• Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

• Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

• Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

• The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Popular funny family jokes

• At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

• That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

• Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

• Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

• If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

• No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

• Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

• Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

• The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

• That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

More funny family jokes

• You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

• My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

• I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

• I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

• As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

• Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

• Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

• None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

• On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

• Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Witty family jokes

• If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

• My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

• My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

• Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

• Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

• Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

• Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

• Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

• “I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

• “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.