New funny age jokes

• Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

• People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

• The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

• I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

• I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

• I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

• I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

• The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

• We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

• “I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Top funny age jokes

• I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

• I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

• I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

• Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

• I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

• The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

• I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

• I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

• Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Popular funny age jokes

• I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

• I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

• I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

• Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

• I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

• “Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

• The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

• Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• 80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

More funny age jokes

• Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

• When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

• They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

• Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

• “You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

• I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

• I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

• I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

• I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

• Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Witty age jokes

• One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

• Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

• Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

• I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

• Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

• Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

• Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

• The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.