New funny observation jokes

• I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

• Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

• I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

• Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

• Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

• Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

• Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

• The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

• Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Top funny observation jokes

• “Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

• Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

• Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

• Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

• I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

• Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

• The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

• Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

• I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

• Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Popular funny observation jokes

• You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

• Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

• Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

• Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

• Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

• 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

• Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

• Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

More funny observation jokes

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

• People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

• Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

• Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

• I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

• The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

• Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

• I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

• Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

• “I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Witty observation jokes

• People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

• When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

• If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

• A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

• Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

• Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

• Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

• Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

• Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

• I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.