New funny hate jokes

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

• I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

• Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

• Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

• Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

• I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

• I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Top funny hate jokes

• There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

• I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

• I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

• I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

• I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

• When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

• I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

• I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Popular funny hate jokes

• I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

• People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

• I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

• I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

• Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

• Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

• I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

More funny hate jokes

• One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

• I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

• Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

• Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

• A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

• I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

• I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

• I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Witty hate jokes

• I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

• Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

• Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

• I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

• I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

• I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

• I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

• I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

• Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

• Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.