10,000+ funny quotes — Wordgag ツ

Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

50 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Reported on Telegram:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Making waves on Twitch:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Just shared via YouTube:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

More funny quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Commentary:
"Like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo! 🙅‍♀️ If she's loyal, she's not gonna entertain your advances. You might as well try to teach a fish to ride a bicycle! 🐟🚲"
6 months ago
Share →: My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between the heart and the jeans! 🍫🍷 vs. 🥗 Who will win this epic battle of cravings and calories? Maybe just wear stretchy pants and call it a day! 😅 #FoodieProblems"
6 months ago
Share →: What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Commentary:
"Sometimes it takes 19 seasons of hospital drama to cure the Monday blues 🏥💉✨ Who needs medical school when you've got Netflix therapy, am I right? 😄 #bingewatchingforhealth"
6 months ago
Share →: I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Commentary:
"Looks like Valentine's Day plans just got celebrity-crushed! 💔 Sorry, boyfriend, but sharing Salma Hayek might be a bit out of the budget. 😜 Maybe next year you can aim for someone a wee bit more attainable! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Commentary:
"Ah, the beauty of sleeping – the closest you can get to being dead without the commitment! 💤😂 It's like hitting the pause button on life, but without the consequences. Win-win indeed! 😴👍"
6 months ago
Share →: This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Commentary:
Ah, well, I guess all the chronic masturbators out there must have some special x-ray vision then! 👀🔍 Or maybe they just have a knack for deciphering hidden messages in the most unconventional places! 🤔😂
6 months ago
Share →: The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Commentary:
"Who needs fantasies of wild adventures when a good night's sleep is the real dream come true? 😴💭 Sweet dreams are the new sexy! 😄💤"
6 months ago
Share →: Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Commentary:
"Maybe the T-Rex would have been a little less grumpy if it had a cup of espresso in the morning ☕️🦖 #CoffeeSavesLives"
6 months ago
Share →: Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Commentary:
"Sounds like someone's throwing some major 'Mom shade'! 💁‍♀️😂 Looks like we've got a secret competitor for the 'Parent of the Year' title! 🏆 #MomVsYou"
6 months ago
Share →: A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Commentary:
"Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy"

For even more funny quotes, check out the next page ☝️

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

50 minutes ago

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Going viral on Reddit:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Making waves on Threads:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Trending via Snapchat:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Shared recently on Slack:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Trending via Twitch:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

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