Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Just shared via WeChat:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Broadcasted on X:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

How is it still this week?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Going viral on Facebook:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

2 months ago

0

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Introducing the latest dating app sensation for the bashful and reserved – Mumble! 🤐💕 Who needs smooth-talking charmers when you can connect with someone through awkward silences and shy smiles? Swipe right and let the mumbling magic begin! 😉✨#ShyAndReadyToMingle #MumbleOnIndeed

app, dating, dating app, humor, interaction, introvert, mumble, people, relationships, shy, social, social interaction, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

0

2 months ago

boxed, collector’s, collector’s edition, edition, everything, family, humor, i, illness, meant, mental, mental illness, parent, parents, sarcasm, set
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

0

2 months ago

advice, behavior, child, curiosity, going, parenting, rules, something, temptation, touch
If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, exhaustion, hangover, humor, needs, productivity, recovery, right, today, weekend
My age is news to me every single time I remember.

0

2 months ago

age, every, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, news, remember, self-awareness, single, surprise, time
No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, comedy, decisions, drinking, humor, i, influence, influencers, lifestyle, making, media, old fashioned, social, social media, thanks, under
Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

0

2 months ago

car, driving, feature, highway, humor, making, maybe, newer, oh, shake, stopped, technology, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Facebook this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

97 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

28 shares on Slack this month:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Just shared via Telegram:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Making waves on Threads:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Breaking via Threads:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Seen just now on Instagram:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Live now on X:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Just shared via YouTube:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Making waves on X:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Freshly posted on Discord:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

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