WICHITA—In a shocking development, local woman’s skin has reportedly filed for a restraining order against its owner. “I’ve been doing this skin care routine for months, but my skin doesn’t care,” sighed Leslie Warden, the alleged aggressor, who was last seen shaking a bottle of anti-aging serum vigorously in front of a mirror.

The skin, which declined an on-the-record statement, is said to have had enough of Warden’s relentless night creams and exfoliators. “She just doesn’t take the hint,” commented a cutaneous expert on condition of anonymity. “To be honest, that skin hasn’t looked interested in self-improvement for years.”

Lawyers for the skin are seeking a peaceful 50-foot buffer zone around all moisturizers. Meanwhile, Warden faces a dilemma. “It’s ridiculous,” she said, scrolling through anti-restraining-order skin-care advice on Reddit. “Next thing, my hair’s going to boycott shampoo.”