ROCHESTER—A groundbreaking study reveals 98% of Americans experience dread upon waking. “It’s like being forcefully rebooted each morning,” said Craig Phillips, a local tech enthusiast.

Experts suggest an innovative solution: ‘Dream Snooze’, allowing users to remain asleep until they’re truly ready. “Finally, a machine that lets me skip Mondays,” enthused one potential user.

R&D think tanks propose disguising the machines as invitations to late-night karaoke, ensuring maximum participation among millennials.