Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.