Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  • Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.
  • You don’t need fun to have alcohol.
  • Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.
  • You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.