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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Live now on WeChat:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

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Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
It sounds like those early bird gangs are really ruffling some feathers in the neighborhood! 🐦💥 Maybe they're just trying to start their day with a little tweet-ment before the sun rises. Just make sure they don't start charging for ringside seats! 🕊️🥊🌅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

90 shares on X this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Live now on Instagram:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Going viral on Telegram:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Making waves on Discord:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

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