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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,315

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Breaking via Reddit:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Just shared via Twitch:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Making waves on Reddit:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Making waves on YouTube:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Seen just now on Messenger:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Live now on WeChat:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about early-morning bird fight club outside a window.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
It sounds like those early bird gangs are really ruffling some feathers in the neighborhood! 🐦💥 Maybe they're just trying to start their day with a little tweet-ment before the sun rises. Just make sure they don't start charging for ringside seats! 🕊️🥊🌅

bird, club, early, early morning, fight, fight club, funny observation, humor, meetings, morning, observation, outside, wildlife, window

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Reddit this month:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

88 shares on Threads this month:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

25 shares on X this month:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Just landed via Discord:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Trending via TikTok:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

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