GRAND RAPIDS—Local accountant Tim Vickers expressed a peculiar longing this week, stating that he occasionally wishes to spend a month in the hospital after being hit by a car. “Honestly, who wouldn’t want a month-long break where you get room service and daytime TV?” Vickers said, eyeing traffic with a look suggestive of both vacation dreams and mild vehicular menace.

Vickers elaborated on his unusual aspirations by describing his perfect scenario: “Ideally, it would be a light bump, just enough to earn some sympathy flowers and a staycation in a medically induced nap heaven. Plus, I could really use a break from keeping up with the Kardashians.” He displayed a sense of meticulous planning, indicating that he’s already listed his top choice for hospital wing views.

Healthcare professionals have reportedly noted an increase in patient requests for ‘just a quick ding, nothing major,’ suggesting that the appeal of hospital bliss is just one car hood away. “We’ve had patients ask about accident-prone intersections,” one nurse commented, “Everyone’s trying to book their own personal medical-spa getaway these days.” Local officials are reviewing policies to address what some call ‘daringly desperate leisure pursuits.’