BOULDER—A coalition of astronomers issued guidelines Monday urging individuals not to be swayed by affectionate claims such as “you are my world,” citing the existence of other celestial bodies. “Remember, there’s a whole solar system out there,” said Dr. Neil Starry, lead scientist, who suggested people maintain ‘planetary vigilance’ during intimate conversations.

The astronomers revealed that a troubling 73% of relationships become unreasonably centered around Earth-centric expressions. “By that logic, I should be worried about Pluto’s feelings,” remarked Starry, urging individuals to never overlook orbital diversity in their metaphors.

Schools are now integrating planetary awareness into curriculum to prevent emotional geocentrism. “We’re teaching students to embrace a broader view,” said Principal Celia Moon of Boulder High, explaining how being the hypothetical ‘Mars’ in a relationship opens an orbit of affectionate possibilities.