Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

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I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

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Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

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This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

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Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

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If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

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All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

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Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

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Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

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I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

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“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?