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"Finally, a revolutionary innovation that might just change the world: A printer that actually PRINTS when you need it to 🖨️💸 Who would've thought such a simple concept could be worth billions?!"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

1 month ago

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My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

1 month ago

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What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

1 month ago

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A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

1 month ago

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I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

1 month ago

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Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

1 month ago

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Going viral on YouTube:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Making waves on Facebook:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

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Activity Log ✨

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

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Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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