Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.
  • “Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.
  • Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.
  • Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.
  • I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.
  • I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.