BEVERLY HILLS—In a startling act of anti-generosity, local man Greg Atwell has announced that he’s available should you ever need “absolutely nothing.” Offering the unusual service, Atwell stressed his eagerness to commit to inaction. “I’m always ready to provide zero support,” he said, adding that his schedule is perfectly open for non-compulsory tasks.

Community members were initially confused by the offer, but some now embrace it. “It’s refreshing to know Greg won’t lift a finger if I ever require zilch,” said neighbor Anita Reynolds, who admitted she’s tired of people offering help she never actually wants. “I just hope he sticks to his word and doesn’t start helping.”

Civic groups, meanwhile, have begun outsourcing minor tasks to Atwell, ensuring they remain undone. “We’re thrilled to include Greg’s commitment to apathy in our repertoire,” stated Carl Bishop, from the local Idle Hands Society. “His dedication to nothing is something we can really get behind.”