By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?