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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Trending via YouTube:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Spotted on Pinterest:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

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Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.
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Commentary:
🐱😂 Oh, the eternal dilemma of trying to persuade a cat to be emotionally supportive! Perhaps it's more of a "reluctant emotional support animal" situation? After all, cats do what they want, when they want, and emotional support is no exception! 😸 #CatLogic #EmotionalSupportStruggles

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on X this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

76 shares on X this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

21 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,696

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Going bananas on Threads:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Making waves on Twitch:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Live now on WeChat:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Spotted on Slack:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Making waves on Slack:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Just landed via Snapchat:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Spotted on Instagram:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

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