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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Making waves on Telegram:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Making waves on X:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Just landed via WeChat:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Trending via Telegram:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Breaking via Slack:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Funny quote about a stubborn cat questioning emotional support animal status.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐱😂 Oh, the eternal dilemma of trying to persuade a cat to be emotionally supportive! Perhaps it's more of a "reluctant emotional support animal" situation? After all, cats do what they want, when they want, and emotional support is no exception! 😸 #CatLogic #EmotionalSupportStruggles

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

86 shares on X this month:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Trending via Telegram:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Spotted on Instagram:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Just shared via Discord:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Just landed via WeChat:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Just shared via TikTok:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Live now on Twitch:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

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