Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

4,064

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

Making waves on Messenger:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Just landed via Reddit:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Trending via Instagram:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Shared recently on Slack:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Making waves on Messenger:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

2 months ago

0

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
☕️ "Ah, the sweet sound of silence and the soothing aroma of coffee brewing, all whilst basking in the glory of being the only one awake! It's like a private party for your taste buds! 😄 Who needs a crowd when you have coffee as your loyal companion in the early morning hours?"

alone, awake, better, beverage, caffeine, coffee, humor, just, morning, only, solitude

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

0

2 months ago

comfort, comfort food, food, gratitude, happiness, humor, i, live, pizza, planet, thankful
I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

0

2 months ago

being, body, buy, clothes, fashion, humor, i, model, new, option, shopping, think, time, too
Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

0

2 months ago

anytime, around, care, confidence, day, deodorant, following, humor, i, me, personal, personal care, scent, sexy, stranger, switch
I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

0

2 months ago

came, enjoy, heat, humor, ID, lot, me, mist, produce, refreshment, someone, summer
I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, internet, love, microwave, normal, personality, quirky, raised, social, technology, unfortunately, upbringing
If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

0

2 months ago

exaggeration, hemisphere, humor, joke, live, loud, me, same, sneeze, sound

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

37 shares on Discord this month:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

100 shares on Slack this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

68 shares on X this month:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

90 shares on Discord this month:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

47 shares on X this month:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Love is in the air fryer.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,594

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Spotted on Discord:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Seen just now on X:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Going viral on Slack:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Going bananas on Threads:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴