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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Just shared via Threads:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Live now on Instagram:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Just landed via Reddit:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
☕️ "Ah, the sweet sound of silence and the soothing aroma of coffee brewing, all whilst basking in the glory of being the only one awake! It's like a private party for your taste buds! 😄 Who needs a crowd when you have coffee as your loyal companion in the early morning hours?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

63 shares on Discord this month:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

87 shares on Messenger this month:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Making waves on Slack:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Making waves on Messenger:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Trending via Reddit:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Just landed via Discord:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Just shared via Telegram:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

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