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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Breaking via Reddit:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Breaking via Messenger:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Making waves on Pinterest:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Spotted on Slack:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Seen just now on Discord:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Trending via Telegram:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

4 days ago

Witty quote about enjoying coffee alone in the quiet morning, humorous and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
☕️ "Ah, the sweet sound of silence and the soothing aroma of coffee brewing, all whilst basking in the glory of being the only one awake! It's like a private party for your taste buds! 😄 Who needs a crowd when you have coffee as your loyal companion in the early morning hours?"

alone, awake, better, beverage, caffeine, coffee, humor, just, morning, only, solitude

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

90 shares on Reddit this month:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Breaking via Reddit:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Going bananas on Slack:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Just shared via Reddit:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Making waves on Discord:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Going viral on Pinterest:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

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