40 funny beverage quotes - Wordgag

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

May 30, 2026

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

May 30, 2026

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

May 30, 2026

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

May 29, 2026

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

May 29, 2026

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

May 29, 2026

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

May 29, 2026

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

May 29, 2026

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

May 28, 2026

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

May 28, 2026

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

May 27, 2026

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

May 27, 2026

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

May 27, 2026

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

May 27, 2026

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

May 27, 2026

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

May 26, 2026

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

May 26, 2026

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

May 26, 2026

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

May 26, 2026

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

May 25, 2026

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

May 25, 2026

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

May 25, 2026

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

May 24, 2026

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

May 23, 2026

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

May 23, 2026

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

May 23, 2026

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

May 23, 2026

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

May 23, 2026

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

May 23, 2026

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

May 23, 2026

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

May 22, 2026

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

May 22, 2026

Coffee is just goth water.

May 21, 2026

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

May 21, 2026

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

May 20, 2026

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

May 20, 2026

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

May 20, 2026

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

May 19, 2026

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

May 19, 2026

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

May 19, 2026