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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,878

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Just landed via Slack:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Trending via Instagram:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Trending via Facebook:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

2 months ago

0

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍫 "Playing a real-life game of 'Hide and Seek' with my kids – except this time, the chocolate is the master of disguise! It's like a delicious treasure hunt in reverse…or maybe I just have exceptional snack-hiding skills! 😄 #parentingadventures"

chocolate, dilemma, guilty, guilty pleasure, honesty, humor, i, kids, last, night, parenting, pleasure, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

0

2 months ago

absurd, absurdity, AI, before, fast, fast food, food, fresh, fry, humor, innovation, keep, longer, pushing, silicon, Silicon Valley, technology, us, valley
If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, fingers, gesture, haircut, humor, i, know, mean, misunderstanding, motion, salon, scissors
In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

0

5 months ago

20, anyone, car, comparison, confusion, driving, fly, headlights, hop, humor, i, just, knows, minutes, movie, movie comparison, rental, rental car, spaceship, spent, star, Star Wars, trying, wars
A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

0

2 months ago

bag, bean, beans, burrito, food, food humor, food metaphor, funny food, humor, joke, just, metaphor, mexican, Mexican food, sleeping, snack
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

0

2 months ago

achievement, broke, consecutive, days, humor, i, life, most, personal, record, today
Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

0

2 months ago

accusation, AI, claim, era, false, false claim, getting, humor, misunderstanding, modern, modern era, suspicion, technology, trial, using, version, witch, witch trial

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

67 shares on Discord this month:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

100 shares on X this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

47 shares on Telegram this month:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

30 shares on Slack this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

47 shares on Slack this month:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,699

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Live now on Messenger:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Going viral on Snapchat:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Making waves on Telegram:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Seen just now on X:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Just shared via Threads:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Live now on Messenger:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

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