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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Going viral on Pinterest:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Seen just now on X:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍫 "Playing a real-life game of 'Hide and Seek' with my kids – except this time, the chocolate is the master of disguise! It's like a delicious treasure hunt in reverse…or maybe I just have exceptional snack-hiding skills! 😄 #parentingadventures"

chocolate, dilemma, guilty, guilty pleasure, honesty, humor, i, kids, last, night, parenting, pleasure, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media may have been a mistake.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,509

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Breaking via Slack:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Making waves on Slack:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Just landed via Messenger:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Going viral on TikTok:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

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