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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,471

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Just shared via YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Trending via Threads:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Making waves on X:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Going bananas on X:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Just shared via YouTube:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Just shared via X:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about monogamous friendships expressing playful jealousy and humor about social exclusivity.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Feeling like the human embodiment of a needy, jealous cat 🐱🚫 Friendship monogamy only for this one! 😂 #FriendingForeverAlone"

exclusivity, friends, friendship, heart, humor, hurt, hurts, me, monogamous, relationship, talk

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94 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Spotted on YouTube:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Making waves on Instagram:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Breaking via Telegram:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Seen just now on Threads:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Seen just now on X:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Just shared via Discord:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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