Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Live now on Reddit:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Just landed via Twitch:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Feeling like the human embodiment of a needy, jealous cat 🐱🚫 Friendship monogamy only for this one! 😂 #FriendingForeverAlone"

exclusivity, friends, friendship, heart, humor, hurt, hurts, me, monogamous, relationship, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

0

5 months ago

communication, humor, i, internet, love, media, posting, problem, sharing, social, social media, thought, thoughts
I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

0

1 month ago

cooking, crockpot, eat, horrible, humor, kitchen, love, new, wait
And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

0

1 month ago

conversation, humor, interaction, personality, room, sarcasm, self-deprecation, social, social interaction, sparkling, sparkling personality, us, wit
I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

0

1 month ago

change, confidence, decision, different, every, growth, humor, i, life, life decision, life plan, need, personal, personal growth, plan, realize, self-awareness, unexpected
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

0

2 months ago

awesome, humor, irony, lazy, motivation, procrastination, self-awareness, stop
There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

0

1 month ago

bots, here, humor, internet, joke, online, sci-fi, star, Star Wars, technology, wars

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

39 shares on X this month:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

42 shares on X this month:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

51 shares on X this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Live now on Twitch:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Spotted on TikTok:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨