Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don't talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Commentary:
“Feeling like the human embodiment of a needy, jealous cat 🐱🚫 Friendship monogamy only for this one! 😂 #FriendingForeverAlone”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

    Commentary:
    🐶🎉 “I walked into a holiday party, excited to mingle, only to find my soulmate playing with the dog like it’s the last piece of cake! Guess I need to paws and rethink my social game plan. Who knew my competition would be a four-legged furry charmer? 🤷‍♂️🐾 #DoggoStealsTheShow”

  • I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

    Commentary:
    “Perhaps bugs just enjoy crashing indoor parties and messing with our heads 🐜🏡 Or maybe they’re just too lazy to deal with the door policy outside 😅🚪 #BugLife”

  • If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

    Commentary:
    “Having an easy first child is like nature’s sneaky way of luring you into a false sense of parenting confidence 😏👶 But fear not, the second child is here to keep you on your toes with their endless energy and mysterious ability to function without sleep! 😅💤 #ParentingPlotTwist”

  • Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

    Commentary:
    “Old people be like: ‘Back in my day, we didn’t even have tired!’ 😂💤 #YouthfulExhaustion”

  • Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the struggle is real! Watch out, folks, for the legendary battle between a clingy sports bra and a slightly damp body – it’s a showdown of epic proportions! 🔥💦 Just when you thought post-shower routines couldn’t get any more dramatic, the sports bra swoops in to steal the show. Hell hath no fury like a sports bra on a mission! 😅👙 #WetAndWildDrama

  • If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

    Commentary:
    Sure thing! How about this:

    “If nothing lasts forever, will you be my eternal void? 😂🌌”

    Hope you like it!