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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log āœØ

Someone from šŸ‡øšŸ‡· has viewed:

If youā€™ve seen one shopping centre, youā€™ve seen a mall.

Someone from šŸ‡±šŸ‡ŗ has bookmarked:

If your kids arenā€™t drinking enough water, tell them itā€™s bedtime.

Someone from šŸ‡ØšŸ‡¬ has viewed:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Someone from šŸ‡±šŸ‡¹ has bookmarked:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from šŸ‡±šŸ‡» has shared:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from šŸ‡øšŸ‡® has downloaded:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Someone from šŸ‡øšŸ‡° has viewed:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes donā€™t hurt. This isnā€™t what I wanted.

Someone from šŸ‡µšŸ‡± has copied:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Someone from šŸ‡ŗšŸ‡æ has shared:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

Someone from šŸ‡¬šŸ‡¼ has copied:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log šŸ’«

Going viral on Reddit:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasnā€™t for them.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Making waves on Discord:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Breaking via Discord:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Trending via X:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Just landed via X:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Just shared via Messenger:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Just landed via TikTok:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Just landed via YouTube:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Trending via TikTok:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, Iā€™m going to assume itā€™s for fuel.

Donā€™t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Playful text about preferring ham sandwiches over conversation, humorously expressing introversion.
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Commentary:
Well, well, well, it seems this person is only accepting the most essential conversations! šŸ„Ŗ Better be prepared with two slices of bread and some cured pork before attempting to engage with them. Who knew a ham sandwich could be the key to unlocking intriguing discussions? šŸ¤”šŸ˜‚ #SandwichTalksOnly

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Keep the laugh going šŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes šŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ā­

76 shares on Threads this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Ainā€™t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

11 shares on Slack this month:

New challenge called ā€œdonā€™t say ā€˜wow itā€™s already dark by five these daysā€™ for the rest of winterā€

23 shares on Twitch this month:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Trending Topics šŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes šŸ’„

24 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

No, I wasnā€™t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

16 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

23 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

21 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

18 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

11 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

17 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

6 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

15 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, ā€œWow, this changes everything.ā€

18 folks are currently checking šŸ‘€

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Funny Quotes Data šŸ¤“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Activity Log āœØ

Someone from šŸ‡ØšŸ‡± has viewed:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from šŸ‡§šŸ‡¼ has bookmarked:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Someone from šŸ‡§šŸ‡® has copied:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from šŸ‡§šŸ‡Ŗ has bookmarked:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Someone from šŸ‡®šŸ‡Ŗ has downloaded:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from šŸ‡¦šŸ‡· has bookmarked:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from šŸ‡¦šŸ‡± has bookmarked:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from šŸ‡¹šŸ‡¼ has bookmarked:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from šŸ‡©šŸ‡° has downloaded:

Right now somebodyā€™s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Someone from šŸ‡±šŸ‡¹ has bookmarked:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Social Media Log šŸ’«

Just shared via Instagram:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someoneā€™s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Breaking via Telegram:

Tomorrow isnā€™t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Just shared via Reddit:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, heā€™d file a restraining order against me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ā€˜compliments to the chefā€™.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

ā€œWe should get ticketsā€ is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Just landed via Discord:

I find as I get older itā€™s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Sheā€™s got style. Sheā€™s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. Sheā€™s a lady.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, ā€œslightly.ā€

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