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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Oh good. Another day.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

54 minutes ago

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Live now on Slack:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Spotted on Snapchat:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Spotted on YouTube:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

6 months ago

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, it seems this person is only accepting the most essential conversations! 🥪 Better be prepared with two slices of bread and some cured pork before attempting to engage with them. Who knew a ham sandwich could be the key to unlocking intriguing discussions? 🤔😂 #SandwichTalksOnly

conversation, food, ham, ham sandwich, humor, me, preference, sandwich, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

54 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Trending via Messenger:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Breaking via Slack:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Spotted on TikTok:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

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