WELLINGTON—Citing his own recent life-changing experience, local man Derek Fogg insists that the concept of ‘early’ must be redefined. “Going to bed at 4 p.m. is just good planning,” he explained while adjusting his sleep mask at what most would call a reasonable hour for coffee. “The idea that ‘early’ only applies to waking up is archaic.”

Friends and family remain divided on Derek’s revolutionary time proposal. “He once tried to bring a sleeping bag to brunch,” recounted sister Kylee, while expressing disbelief at his latest claim. “It’s like he’s living in his own time zone. Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck watching sunsets.”

In a bold attempt to convince the populace, Fogg now hosts seminars titled “A.M. and P.M. Are Social Constructs.” Participants receive night vision goggles and personalized lullabies. “I’m just ahead of the curve,” he insisted, as attendees dozed off during peak daylight. “They’ll all thank me when they discover tomorrow’s future, today.”