PORTLAND—Announcing its latest innovative offering, eBay has unveiled a new category allowing users to auction off their unwanted emotions. “We saw a market gap,” said CEO Jamie Innate, “especially for users eager to part ways with pesky feelings like ‘regret’ and ‘nostalgia.'”

The option has already gained traction among millennials and Gen Z. “I’m starting bids for my existential dread at 99 cents,” noted local seller Mark Peerson. “Honestly, I’m just happy someone else might take it.”

Experts warn about potential hazards. “You could end up with someone else’s mid-life crisis,” cautioned therapist Dr. Lora Moodswings. Despite this, eBay is reportedly considering ‘rent-to-own sadness’ as its next big venture.