Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”
  • If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?
  • If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.
  • The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?
  • I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.
  • Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.