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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Jan 7, 2026

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Just landed via Telegram:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Broadcasted on Discord:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Drive like no one is watching.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Just shared via YouTube:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Trending via Snapchat:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Spreading quickly via X:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

2 months ago

0

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like extrovert self booked a one-way ticket to FOMO-land, leaving introvert self stranded in the peaceful sanctuary of JOMO bliss. 🎉🤯🤷‍♂️ Time to reschedule those plans and find the perfect balance between social butterfly mode and hermit crab mode! 🦋🦀 #IntrovertStruggles #ExtrovertDrama #FindingTheSweetSpot

conflict, expectations, extrovert, introvert, personality, pissed, plans, self, social, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

0

4 months ago

acting, again, beginning, behavior, change, dating, enjoy, humor, man, meet, never, personality, relationship
There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

0

2 months ago

celery, celery stalk, cold, cold soup, comfort, comfort food, drink, even, food, humor, ice, little, nothing, over, quirky, quirky drink, soothe, soul, soup, stalk, tomato, tomato soup, vodka
They should invent a rest for the wicked.

0

2 months ago

humor, invention, irony, relaxation, rest, should, wicked
I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

0

2 months ago

change, coping, divorce, drink, humor, i, life, life change, marriage, realization, relationship, thought
Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

0

2 months ago

humor, humorist, illegal, joke, media, posts, relationship, sarcasm, serious, seriousness, silliness, silly, social, social media, talk, wife
Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

0

2 months ago

comparison, confidence, Fiji, Fiji water, humor, let, pond, pond water, positivity, self-worth, treat, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Messenger this month:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

18 shares on X this month:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Spotted on Threads:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Going bananas on X:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Trending via Telegram:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Going viral on Facebook:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Just landed via Slack:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Shared recently on Slack:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

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