PHOENIX—Bemoaning his lack of romantic success, local man Gary Henderson claims his own reflection is the sole villain in his dating saga. “There is a reason I’m single, and it’s called my face,” said Henderson, who reportedly uses funhouse mirrors for a more flattering view. Neighbors confirm sightings of Henderson attempting to woo his own blurry selfie.

Challenged by friends to reconsider his self-image, Henderson has taken matters into his own hands, reportedly applying every Instagram filter known to man during first dates. “I figured, if the camera adds ten pounds, then these filters should add ten admirers,” Henderson coyly remarked, while canceling a subscription to a magic mirror maintenance service.

Determined to find love, Henderson has created a revolutionary app matching singles solely through voice. “I hope someone falls for my sultry tones,” he mused while recording his profile with Barry White tracks playing in the background. Despite odds stacked against him, Henderson remains optimistic about eventually dating someone “whose glasses are apparently worse than mine.”