Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

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As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

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My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

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The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

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Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

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Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

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You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

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Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

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At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

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Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

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Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?