CINCINNATI—In a scenario that would confuse even seasoned romance enthusiasts, local man Jeremy Baxter found himself at a romantic crossroads as he prepared for what he calls “the ultimate date.” “I’ve never been so nervous,” admitted Jeremy, staring into the bathroom mirror. “I mean, where do you even take someone who’s adorably symmetrical?”

Friends report that Jeremy, 28, has been debating between several trendy hotspots. “He keeps asking, ‘Will you like sunset dinner by the river, or would the planetarium be cooler?'” said roommate Tom Greene. “It’s hard to watch Jeremy try to impress himself, especially since the only voice of dissent is his toothbrush jar.”

While some find his romantic effort admirable, critics argue he’s delusional. “The biggest challenge is getting home safe,” Jeremy conceded. “A romantic night can easily turn sour if you’re left alone at the door, asking yourself, ‘Can I come up for coffee?'”