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I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.
Jan 19, 2025
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
Jan 19, 2025
When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
Jan 19, 2025
I haven't lost my virginity because I never lose.
Jan 19, 2025
Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.
Jan 19, 2025
I need to find hobbies that don't include my debit card.
Jan 19, 2025
The only thing I gained this year is weight.
Jan 19, 2025
Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!
Jan 19, 2025
Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.
Jan 19, 2025
No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.
Jan 19, 2025