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Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Breaking via Slack:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Making waves on Twitch:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Spotted on Discord:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Just landed via Discord:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Going bananas on Reddit:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Spotted on Slack:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

21 Funny 90 quotes

More funny 90 quotes 👇

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

3 months ago

90, 90 years, advice, age, biscuit, grandmother, humor, life, life advice, live, longevity, nothing, shining, spite, year’s

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80 shares on Discord this month:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

65 shares on Telegram this month:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Just shared via Slack:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Just landed via Threads:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Just landed via Discord:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Making waves on X:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

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21 Funny 90 quotes

More funny 90 quotes 👇

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

All funny 90 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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