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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2383 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,545

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,545

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Breaking via Slack:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Reported on Instagram:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Going viral on Discord:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Spotted on Slack:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Home » Funny Activity Quotes » Page 4

637 Funny activity quotes

More funny activity quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Commentary:
Monitoring bars would have the whole neighborhood on "sip and stakeout" duty! 🍻🕵️‍♂️
3 weeks ago
Share →: I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Commentary:
Prepare the earplugs, folks, because tomorrow's karaoke night is going to be a "Yoko Ono hits high note" special! 🎤😂🎶
3 weeks ago
Share →: Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Commentary:
Count me in! I’ll bring snacks and a flashlight for authentic fort vibes 🏰🌯🔦
3 weeks ago
Share →: Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Commentary:
Sounds like my social life—suddenly I'm surrounded by squirrels instead of humans! 🐿️🌳😄
3 weeks ago
Share →: Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Commentary:
Looks like I've boarded the alien express and Facebook's driving the spaceship! 👽🚀
3 weeks ago
Share →: Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Commentary:
Spongebob knows who's bikini bottom-approved and who's not! 😂✨🌊 #PureOfHeartAndLaugh
3 weeks ago
Share →: I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Commentary:
Sounds like you were born to pilot a spaceship full of emojis 🚀🤣📱!
3 weeks ago
Share →: Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Commentary:
Wings won't help me fly, but they certainly lift my mood! 🍗😆
3 weeks ago
Share →: One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Commentary:
Looks like the little architect is behind on their pillow rent! Time for a plush eviction! 🏰➡️📦🤭
3 weeks ago
Share →: Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Commentary:
Adulting is a thrilling balance between achieving next to nothing and accomplishing absolutely everything in two days! 😅🛋️☕

For even more funny activity quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Just shared via YouTube:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Going viral on Slack:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Spotted on Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Reported on Pinterest:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

637 Funny activity quotes

More funny activity quotes 👇

For even more funny activity quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

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