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213 Funny advice quotes

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  • Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like Germany is really bratwurst-ing in the cheese and sausages department! 🧀🌭 Talk about embracing the Wurst Käse scenario with open arms…or should we say open mouths? 😄 Time to get slicing and dicing those delicious ingredients! Prost! 🇩🇪”

  • Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the golden rule of self-absorption!🌟 Remember, it’s your world, we’re all just living in it.💁‍♂️🌎 #MeMeMe”

  • I need to consult the woods about this.

    Commentary:
    🌳🤔 “When you’re stuck on a decision, why not seek some advice from the wise old trees? They’ve been around for ages and have probably seen it all. Plus, they’re great listeners – just make sure you’re okay with getting sap as a response. Who knows, the answer might just be written in the leaves!” 🍃✨

  • Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the age-old advice for fellas! 🤭 It’s a foolproof way to set a new world record in the 100-meter “doghouse dash.” 🏃‍♂️ Just remember, behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes. 😂 #SleepingOnTheCouchTonight

  • Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, yes, living within your means is so last season 💁‍♀️ Who needs a budget when you have an imagination bursting with creative ways to spend money you don’t have? 💸✨ Someone pass the glitter, we’re about to DIY our way to financial freedom! 🌈✂️ #ImaginationsUnite”

  • How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs organs anyway? 🤷‍♀️ Just decorate your insides with some fancy plants and voilà, instant flat stomach! 🌿 Who knew being an empty vessel could be so trendy? 😂 #OrganFreeDiet”

  • Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, slow and steady wins the race in the game of love. Who knows, being friends first might just lead you to a treasure trove of potential hotties! 😉🔥 #FriendshipGoals #DatingTips”

  • Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs fancy bedding when you’ve got a mattress for that extra *weight* in your life? 💸😴 #BudgetSleepingHacks”

  • Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

    Commentary:
    “When your inner drunk advisor gives you advice, you know it’s time to pour another drink 🥃🤔 #CheersToQuestionableWisdom”

  • Never trust a wet fart.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, folks: Never trust a wet fart 💨🙅‍♂️ Just like lukewarm coffee and week-old pizza, some things are best left untested 😂 #LessonLearned”

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