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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 10846 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 26, 2026

 

 

 

 

325 Funny advice quotes

Funny advice quotes are here to turn life’s “helpful tips” into a comedy show! 😄💡 Whether it’s over-the-top suggestions or the kind of advice you never asked for, these quotes remind us that sometimes the best advice is the one that makes you laugh instead of think. Get ready for wisdom with a side of humor! 😂🗣️📚

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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