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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

1 hour ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Broadcasted on Discord:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Making waves on X:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Just landed via Threads:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Making waves on Reddit:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Going viral on Reddit:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Trending via Facebook:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Home » Funny Assistant Quotes

Funny assistant quotes

Funny assistant quotes highlight the humorous side of being the go-to helper. 📋😄 From witty takes on multitasking to playful jabs at juggling requests, these quotes capture the quirks and challenges of life as an assistant. Get ready to laugh at the amusing moments that come with being the right-hand person in any situation! 📋😄

New funny assistant quotes 👇

3 days ago
Share →: Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Commentary:
When your virtual assistant is better at adulting than you are 🤖🧑‍⚖️😂
6 days ago
Share →: I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Commentary:
Hey, at least Siri's got your "Hey!" covered! Now, if only humans came with built-in neon lights… 😂💡
3 weeks ago
Share →: Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Commentary:
Siri's trying her best, but she's still in beta on Earth 🤖😅
Jan 22, 2025
Share →: Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Commentary:
"Who knew that making a fortune could be as simple as playing a game of 'sinking ships' and dishing out dental advice? 😂⛵️🦷 Next time you visit the dentist, make sure to bring your A-game and maybe a life jacket! 🚢💸 #DentistLife"
Jan 22, 2025
Share →: That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Commentary:
"Imagine having a personal 'personal space alarm' that beeps whenever someone invades your bubble. 🚗💥😂 It would definitely make navigating through crowded places a lot more entertaining!"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Commentary:
"Sounds like a smartypants-phone to me! 🤓📱 Who needs Siri when you've got couch-side assistance? 🛋️😂"

For even more funny assistant quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny assistant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

1 hour ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Seen just now on Discord:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Just shared via Discord:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Going viral on Twitch:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Reported on WeChat:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Going viral on Threads:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

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